One Big Cry Baby

I really hate goodbyes.

I'm as loud as they go and as annoyingly silly. I'm sarcastic and with my friends I have zero respect of personal space. But under all this glitter and loud voice and big personality. Is one big cry baby.

...Who gets attached easily. When I left my work with the teens year ago - I cried. And now that I left my job at the Playschool, I cried. It's not the crying that I hate, because tears tell that you care but it's the leaving part. It's the part that 5 year old boy asks me:

"Jenni, when are you coming back?".

I'm not coming back.

It's also about thinking that you are a big deal. Children and teens and all the clients whom we employees of the social field meet, they are used to people coming and going. Children are amazing like that, they adapt so easily with changes. When a teacher leaves, they wonder about it a day or two but then they are so busy living they childhood lives, without cares of the world and they forget. With teens forgetting gets a bit harder as you get used to someone listening and being there for you. I still keep contact with few teens from the Youth House I worked at because I made a commitment to listen and help, and that's what I shall do as long as they need me. But then they grow up and they forget about the counselors  as they should. That's the point of growing up, you lose some - you get some. 

I don't cry because I'm leaving. I love diving into new adventures and exploring the unknown. I cry because I have to leave so many faces behind. For example these children from this Autumn. We've worked so hard, me and my coworkers. When 20 new children came to the Playschool they didn't speak English at all. At all. We started by reading books of "This is red. This is blue" and now we are reading wonderful and complex stories. We started by saying "My name is.." and now we say "Jenni, you are wearing a green hat on your head".

It's been truly awesome and great to witness the progress of language. How it's tiring, to come to Playschool and not understanding a word teachers says. And now - they do. And if one doesn't other one helps out. It's been such an emotional and teaching 12 month of my life. The whole year.

Last year (2011) I made a big mistake. I let someone tell me who to like and who not to like. I let myself down by listening to gossip and talking behind peoples back. It almost cost me few good friendships. I did not listen and I wasn't true to myself. This year, there has been one thing my friend said to me in the Spring,  that I really have been taken by heart:

One was from a coworker:

"Jenni, you can't people just walk all over you. If you want respect, you need to demand it. No one will give you any if you choose to sit here and do nothing"

I've noticed that I have developed a bit of a habit of "It's okay" . I say that something is okay when it's really NOT okay. I think it's because all my life I've been part of some sort conflict because of my temper and big mouth that the past few years I try to avoid a conflict to spare feelings or to avoid fights. I guess it's a learning process, for me to take 'constructive criticism' and to give it. It's not easy to be told if you are doing something wrong and it's not easy to tell someone if they are doing something they shouldn't do. But.. there is no other way of learning really? Than to know how you can be better is by being told and taught. And I'm really trying my best not to be OKAY with everything but if something is bothering my mind, I'll try to say it - not sit on in and dwell with anger. But also, I'm not supposed to take part in every battle or be part of every fight. 

**

In my previous post  I mentioned I have made four new friends this year. According to Facebook and the year 2012 highlights, this is not true. I have added 49 friends to my Facebook this year. So 49 new people have made an appearance in my life this year. Out of those 49 some will stick, and some will go but if you have 49 new friends in your Facebook - and I only add people I know - it hasn't been that bad year after all.

This past Autumn I've been lucky to work with awesome teachers. First with Vanessa and Sarita and then with Tiia and Sarita. (Not forgetting Marivic) and it has been truly been one of the best teams I've ever worked in. I've also hang out with Africa people, and been lucky to hear few of them are having and had a baby.

I've been to my mums wedding and I've seen the Eiffel Tower. I've been wondering around in the red district in Frankfurt and boarding into a plane in Milan.

What's the point in this mumble jumble?

No point really, just random thoughts that usually comes to mind as the year comes to an end and one is facing big changes.



When I look back at this year. I think my biggest lesson has been: responsibility  Thanks to the Boss Lady, I had to step up. I had to take responsibility as a teacher. I developed skills or organize which I didn't have before. I learned to plan things beforehand. I learned to talk to parents and I learned that actions have consequences. In 2012, if nothing else - I grew up. This year I've learn to use word "trousers" instead of "pants" and I don't use the word "trash" but I "bin" it.

I've learned a lot. I've learn to be a better friend. Better teacher. Better adult and a better daughter. I've learnt to be better sister and a better adult.

I wonder what the 2013 will bring. For two years in a row, the New Year has been the time of goodbye. Hopefully this is one thing that will change in 2013..

Jenni