A Teachers Exit

Hey!

As the year 2015 is coming to an end, I've been thinking a lot about what this year, it feels like January 2015 was ages ago. The biggest adventure was obviously the trip to USA and Canada in the Summer but so much other stuff has happened too. I feel that this was the year when Jenni grew up. 

Emotionally and physically this year has been, very stressful and tiring. I can now admit that I burned myself down. When I was supposed to enjoy school and new opportunities I ended up working on overdrive and almost losing myself in the process. I have made new friends, I have lost friends and I gave my heart away. All in all, this year has been a big one for me.

Thursday was my last day at work, a job I took because I had to go back to work for financial reasons. But it was also a job which I wasn't sure if I'm able to finish. Being a kindergarten teacher, was something that I never saw myself doing. I wanted to work for international affairs, to do international work - UN maybe? But when I came home from Scotland 2010 and I really didn't know what next and Teija (my old boss) gave me a shot as a Leading Teacher and that was five years ago.

What was surprising to me, was that I was actually quite good at teaching kids. I never thought I would have the patience to do it but as the years went by, I noticed that it's a job I know how to do and do well. I never really liked kids but for some reason I liked the kids I taught. On my first year as a teacher I got to know that being a teacher is a lot of work.

Unlike school teachers who teach subjects, Kindergarten teachers teach how to grow up and how to learn everything possible.

The expectations are high, you really have to give your all and that it is not always easy to work with the group of women. What I have learned through out the years is that if the team doesn't work - nothing works. When you work with kids you really have to rely on your team, if they got your back and you have theirs your group will do great. If there is bad blood or negativity between teachers and staff, it'll show and kids are affected by this.

On my second term in Vaasa, I got a call from Salla - she was moving back from Scotland but to Helsinki and was hoping for me to move in with her as roommates. One of the hardest goodbyes was this one. The best teachers give their heart to the job and I had given my this group I had, it was my first group and I had to leave in the middle of term to Helsinki. I grieved this separation and it was a difficult start for me here in Helsinki. Grace and Saara were the Big City-types, meaning that there was no bullshit, if something was bugging you - you said it. When in Vaasa we are more careful with words, here not so much. In the end, that six months was a really good ones, this time it was more about the people I worked with than kids.

I decided to go fish a bigger fish and left my job to open a kindergarten. I was offered a project "Build Your Own" kindie and I took it. This was a difficult year for me, I didn't realize how much energy and effort it takes to build something from scratch but I wasn't a quitter either. I worked with two GREAT teachers, a team that I built on my own and after 6 months the kindergarten took off and bloomed. With Ilinca and Grace there was never a dull day and that was the year I learned the most. 

Just before the Summer holidays I got accepted to school and a new kindergarten needs a full time manager, so I left again. Again I said goodbyes but this time I said it to something that I had built. Going back to my old job in a new role was exciting but also quite scary. What became my reality was that everything is always the Managers fault. It all comes down to you and your decisions. I got lucky though with my group. I can honestly say that my group was spectacular and I loved the kids I worked with. I just looked back to some photos and reminiscing what a wonderful year we had and feeling a bit melancholy. I never really got over what was lost in the end of term. My kids went to preschool and I decided that I want to focus on school and I didn't want to rebuilt what I had had, time to move on. Again.

What I did next was that I acted too fast. I didn't see the whole picture: I was doing a Masters Degree and still studying for my second Bachelors Degree for Community Educator. I wasn't feeling well but I started counting my pennies and made a quick decision that I needed to find work. Withing 24hours I had signed in to a new kindergarten. Adjusting back to the kindergarten life wasn't hard, it's pretty much the same routines in every kindie but I wasn't ready yet. I was lucky to work with two great teachers who supported me through out this Autumn and the kids, the kids were great.

Somewhere in September I started to get awful stomach pains and first I thought nothing more of them. Then I got fever and was off from work. Then I had school, in two different places. Also I had other stuff in my mind too. I started to forget things, I didn't remember where I left things. I noticed that some of my relationships weren't working and new beginnings were about to happen. Pain came back and Salla convinced me to go to the doctors. And after a while I was informed that the pain is caused by a growth in my liver. With this information I decided to quit kindergarten teaching, to find a new purpose, new passion, to focus on life and school. And maybe to take it easy for a while. 



So it has been : 

2 cities
113 kids
10 collagues
3 Kindergartens
2 Management positions

and lots of love until I threw in the towel. Time to move on. 




Health wise this year has been a difficult one and I have to thank Salla for being there for me.

When I look back to this year, I can only be so lucky to have a best friend like her in my life. She has not only been my mental support but also the one who made me go to the doctors. She's been my adviser, my friend and my support system. Salla my dear, I love you so. For Christmas I'll give you 24 different types of hugs.


Salla, Lasse and mum have all given me strength to pull through. I have also been lucky in school with getting support from my classmates when I have struggled, I most likely would have had to drop out without them. I also got support elsewhere, making it possible for me not to think about work or school or being ill. Thank you for your support and kindness. 




I also have to give myself some credit. I'm so lucky to have these great people around me but I'm also lucky to have a personality and spirit that is not easily broken. After Midsummer, I started to think that I'm hiding - I'm hiding under my layers of fat. With a spoonful of self respect and self esteem I decided it was time to for a change.

It started my big weight loss project putting a stop to alcohol and soda, I started to exercise and get a move on. After our dogs came it became a routine, to walk, even when I was in bad pain i tried to go out and climbed. I also stopped buying meat and tried to eat it very little if at all. I'm now about 30kilos (60pounds) lighter than six months ago and I'm never going back to that. There is still a long time till Summer, so maybe 2016 is a bikini year?

"What next? Jenni what are you going to do now? " Well I can't really say for sure what next. I'm not even saying that I'm never going back to teaching. But for now, I'm going to take it easy, enjoy life a little. And for now, this moment, I'm about to get dressed and go to the movies with my little brother.

Now my only obligation is to school and also to repay my gratitude for the closest to me. Broken self esteem, broken soul, exhaustion, illness and stress were the keys to my self destruction but luckily I'm came out as a winner. Thank you 2015 - A Big Year for me.

Love, Jenni